Walk A Mile In My Shoes

Building Bridges

"Love must be sincere... Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:9-11

The ease of connectivity through the Internet has resulted in lesser face to face encounters. Thus, despite the phenomenal improvement in communications technology, people still find themselves isolated, lonely and misunderstood. Virtual conversations do not show endearing, emotional expressions and human communication skills used in conversations, letter writing and telephone calls.  They are  replaced by terse and short sentences over texting and Twitter. Such communications can unintentionally appear harsh and abrupt. Misunderstanding can arise because we do not spend enough time in meaningful, bridge-building conversations. 

One family example, the Lee Family communicates everyday through the WhatsApp three -continents conversations, Singapore, Australia and the United Kingdom. However, when sitting at a table with my grandchildren at their Marlborough home or in a restaurant, I would soon be adrift fiddling with my iPhone. So I decided that in order to get close to any of my three grandchildren, I would walk a mile with them to school every morning whenever I am staying with them in the UK.

Elvis Presley sang a song written in 1969 by Joe South entitled ‘Walk A Mile In My Shoes’ which suggested that true friendships can be built by stepping into each other shoes and seeing each other through the eyes of the other person. That is empathy! 

"If I could be you, if you could be me for just one hour

If we could find a way to get inside each other's mind

If you could see you through my eyes instead your own ego

I believe you'd be surprised to see that you've been blind, Mmm

Walk a mile in my shoes, just walk a mile in my shoes

Before you abuse, criticize and accuse

Then walk a mile in my shoes"

In trying to understand each other, we reveal ourselves and enable a reciprocal reaction. Understanding things, principles and concepts are very different from understanding people. Understanding people is possible only at a very personal and emotive level. The more deeply we understand other people, the more appreciative we are of them. We cannot achieve this by just communicating through the Internet. We need face to face personal interactions. We build bridges.  This is costly; we pay not only with our time and effort but also with our privacy, pride and ego.

Many think that 'walking a mile in my shoes' mean active engagement, doing something with that person. This is not always necessary. Often it is only about being there for and with that person, spending time in silence. I recall spending time with a Christian brother while his newborn son was undergoing surgery for a severe congenital heart condition. I heard of the birth of his son and the rush to surgery. I went to the waiting room, found my friend sitting all alone and just sat with him in near silence for the four over hours of the operation. Only the two of us, in silent prayer for the boy during the surgery.     

That was a true and treasured experience of empathy for a friend. I do not know how encouraged he was but I was ministered to as I spent those hours of silence in his shoes. 

The Bible adds the idea of love among friends, "Be devoted to one another in love".  It then states that "Love must be sincere." Sincere means proceeding from genuine feelings, free from pretense or deceit. It is a deep feeling and from the heart. The Bible asks us to spur one another towards love and good deeds.  

'And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds' Hebrews 10:24a

'So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.'

This rendition of 'You Raise Me Up,' is a one of the best expressions of empathy. 

Let us walk miles in each other shoes!

Lionel

Updated 1st published 15 Dec 2019

Shaping a Tree, Raising a Child

“Start a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it” Proverbs 22:6

Japanese gardens provide a stunning visual experience as one walks through it and enjoys the setting. This photo was taken on 1 May 2007 as Pat and I walked through Seiryu-en Garden in the Nijo Castle in Kyoto Japan. We were attracted to the beautiful trees across the pond on the small island. They have been shaped so nicely. The view is very pleasing to the eyes.

To achieve this effect, gardeners prune and sculpture trees during the early growth periods. Shoots are guided around round wires. The twist and turns of the stems and branches of the young trees are supported until the trunks are stronger. In the end these trees are shaped to their natural inclinations and bents. 

On 25 Sep 2013, then Minister for Education, Heng Swee Keat articulated some core beliefs which have guided  Singapore's educational principles. 

• First, every child can learn, whatever his starting point. We can and must help them find success in learning.

• Second, every child is different - siblings, even twins, can have very different interests and strengths! Each child will therefore succeed in different ways. 

• Third, our children will need different attributes to succeed in the future, because the world will be different - just as it is dramatically different today from even a decade ago.”

The clever gardener can envision the potential beauty of each young sapling and guide its growth so that eventually each tree will be differently shaped yet become equally pleasing. In the same way, every child is different. 

Similarly, the wise teacher and parent will teach and guide children understanding their natural inclinations, their ‘bents’. They can recognise, support the desirable tendencies whilst smoothing the rough patches and shaping out the bad and undesirable attributes. 

The Bible teaches that every child should be given the chance to start right. How do we start the child right? By initiating them to the love of God, as emphatically stressed to us,

'And you must love the Lord your God with all heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. And you must commit yourself wholeheartedly to these commands that I give you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.' Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (NLT)

This is the sacred duty of every Christian parent. 

'Children are a gift from the the Lord; they are a reward from Him' Psalm 127:3

Unfortunately, in today's world, single parent families have become common place. While this is not optimal for the children who thrive best when both parents are present during their upbringing, the responsible single parent can still have great success in raising children. The key is the nurturing of bonds of love within the family; single or both parents present.

These same bonds of love can be found in the church. The church as a family also has a duty to help nurture young children where we learn to show love and learn to cooperate and make friends. Coincidentally today, my church Charis Methodist Church celebrated Loving Families Sunday, an initiative led by the Chinese Annual Conference of the Methodist Church in Singapore. At the end of the worship service the congregation recited the Family Life Pledge.

There is a song by Jack Hartmann entitled 'We are Family,' that expresses this aspiration.

We’re big 

We're small
We’re young
And we're old
We’re all different people living together with love.

We laugh
We play
We learn everyday
We’re all different people living together with love.
Together with love.

And we are family 

Living, playing together
Together – together

We are a family
Wherever We may go
We are a family
I can feel our love grow
I can feel love grow

We hug
We care
We help

And we share
We’re all different people living together with love.

We sing

We hope
We dream
and we grow
We’re all different people living together with love.
Together with love.

And we are a family
Living working
Together – together

We are a family 
Wherever we may go
We are a family
I can feel our love – grow
I can feel love grow

The family, the church and society can help children to start right. 

Lionel

Updated 1st published 21 May 2007

Simplify Yourself

 

'Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.' Matthew 18:2-3

The opening episodes of 'The Chosen' the multi-season drama series on the life of Jesus Christ contrasted the simple minded attitudes of little children ( Season 1 Episode 3) towards Jesus with the confused, complexity of the Pharisaical mind of Nicodemus (Season 1 Episode 8) trying to understand Jesus. Nicodemus approached his faith in a highly intellectual manner; the children accepted Jesus with childlike faith. The series devoted an entire episode on the interaction of Jesus with a group of children, how he accepted them and how he gently taught them. Why?

The contrast between the cynical questioning adult to the innocent acceptance of the child believer underscores the need for simplicity in the heart of every Christian as we exercise our faith. Bishop Robert Solomon, in his book Spiritual Disciplines for Urban Christian (Ref 1) selected Simplicity as one of six spiritual disciplines. Bishop said this is the quality of being single hearted, 'the simplicity of having one heart that is not divided or fragmented, one that has no duplicity.'

Christians are to serve God with an undivided heart.

'Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forevermore.' Psalms 86:11-12

Christianity is not so much a religion of the mind as it is a religion of the heart. St Paul warned that we are not to be confused with the theoretical doctrines but practical simplicity of a loving heart.

'We won't be tossed and blown about with every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever that they sound like truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more like Christ.' Ephesians 4:14-15a (NLT)

Bishop Solomon wrote that 'the undivided mind is focused on Christ. James warns us against being double-minded.' 

'Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as the wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.' James 1:6

'Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.' James 1:8

This is the simplicity of serving God alone of having a childlike faith. But living in the modern world especially in affluent Singapore can be very distracting. There is too much to buy, too much to possess, too much to hoard that modern Christians can end up serving two Masters, God and Mammon. 

That is why Bishop Solomon suggested that we continually ask, "Where is my treasure?" He wrote, "Our heart (which in the Bible is the personal centre of our will, emotion and reason) will be where we hold our treasures."

Dallas Willard (Ref 2) wrote, "... love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. It means to treasure Him..Our only wisdom, safety and fulfillment lies in so treasuring God."

So let us make life simple, Jesus loves the little children of the world.  

Lionel

Ref 1: Robert M Solomon, Spiritual Disciplines for Urban Christians, Genesis Books, 2021

Ref 2: Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy: Rediscovering Our Hidden Life in God. HarperSanFrancisco, 1998.

A Healing Ministry Without Making Your Church Sick

  

Jesus Heals

'Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.'  Corinthians 12:7-8

The affliction that Paul had was not something trivial; not just an inconvenience. It tormented him to the extent where he thought that Satan had inflicted it upon him. It was something so painful or embarrassing that he pleaded with the Lord to remove it. Three times he pleaded but there was no healing. God used this affliction for Paul’s greater good in order to keep Paul from becoming conceited and to keep him from depending upon himself. Instead, Paul depended on God and not on his personal visions, revelations, spirituality or apostleship. God strengthened him.

Yet we read in the Bible of countless miraculous cures, many of them effected by Jesus as part of His ministry. Matthew, the gospel writer devoted an entire chapter, Chapter 9, to the healing ministry of Jesus. Five miracles were recorded, four physical healings and one restoring to life of a dead girl. Matthew summed up this ministry,  

'Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness.' Matthew 9:35 

It is not without evidence in scripture that miraculous cures will occur. But what happens when you pray for a cure to an illness and a miracle did not happen? Was it a lack of faith that God seem not to answer prayer for healing? Did we not pray hard and long enough?

 

We need to correctly pitch what the Bible has to say about healing in order not to hurt other people, especially those suffering from intractable illnesses. Some Christians have the unrealistic expectations that God always cures and God always does miracles. However, the reality is that very often, as in the case of Paul’s experience, God will choose not to heal.

What do we do with Christians who accuse others to be without faith or to harbour unconfessed sins when, despite persistent prayer, there is no healing?

My father-in-law served God as a Pastor, always tending to his churches and congregation throughout a 40 year ministry. He died of prostate cancer which had spread to the spine. When he was first diagnosed, many Christians, including the family, exercised faith and prayed for a cure.

When it became obvious that no miraculous cure would happen, some people refused to give up the praying for a cure. 

After he died, my mother-in-law, exhausted and grieving, also succumbed to cancer. Some people later suggested there were some unconfessed sins which prevented an answer to prayers. Yet, both my parents-in-law had fruitful Christian ministries for many years; well into their mid-seventies. 

Where medicine cannot provide a cure, when God did not provide a miracle, sick people die. We should always first hope for a complete cure of the illness and indeed this is when the intercessory prayer for complete cure is so necessary. Here the healing ministry of the church is so vital to encourage and sustain faith in someone who is sick as well as for the family and caregivers.

Dover Park Hospice

We should always hope for a cure. But there will be a time when both the doctors and ourselves realise that a cure is not imminent nor possible even with much prayer. It is then time to switch from curative treatment to palliative treatment. It is time for palliative care at home or in a hospice.

This does not mean that healing ceased to take place. God heals even when he chooses not to cure. There is continuing healing in the body, mind, soul and spirit and the healing ministry should continue to minister although differently.  

For this reason, as a profession of my Christian faith and ministry, I serve as a volunteer and on the Governing Council of the Dover Park Hospice (DPH) in Singapore for more than 20 years. DPH tends to the dying, managing pain and other concerns, giving palliative care as needed and keeping the patients comfortable.  

I admire the doctors, nurses and staff of DPH as they dutifully and lovingly look after their patients with much care and sensitivity. The DPH's motto is 'Every Moment Matters' which means that whilst we may not add days to life we shall add life to days. Our desire is to tend to the sick so that in dying, they can be at peace with family and friends, at peace with themselves and at peace with God. We witnessed many instances of healing even as the patients die. This is when the miracles happen and healing takes place and often we will recognise them.

That is why there will always be a place for a healing ministry in our churches. This has been the practice of the church since the very beginning.

'Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well.' James 5:14-15a

Bishop Robert Solomon surmised (Ref 1), "It is best not to be distracted by secondary issues (such as anointing with oil and prayer by elders) in order to focus on the main point made by James. And that is, prayer is what is required in all kinds of situations." 

It is God, our 'Wonderful Merciful Saviour' who gives healing and grace.

Wonderful, merciful Savior

Precious Redeemer and Friend

Who would have thought that a Lamb

Could rescue the souls of men

Oh, You rescue the souls of men

Counselor, Comforter, Keeper

Spirit we long to embrace

You offer hope when our hearts have

Hopelessly lost our way

Oh, we've hopelessly lost the way

You are the One that we praise

You are the One we adore

You give the healing and grace

Our hearts always hunger for

Oh, our hearts always hunger for

Almighty, infinite Father

Faithfully loving Your own

Here in our weakness You find us

Falling before Your throne

Oh, we're falling before Your throne

You are the One that we praise

You are the One we adore

You give the healing and grace

Our hearts always hunger for

Oh, our hearts always hunger for

You are the One that we praise

You are the One we adore

You give the healing and grace

Our hearts always hunger for

Oh, our hearts always hunger for

Lionel

Updated 1st Published 17 Mar 2011

Ref 1: Robert M Solomon. Practical Christianity. The Book of James and its Relevance Today, Cru Asia IMorint Edition, 2022.

Title of this post is taken from Peter Wagner's book, “How To Have A Healing Ministry Without Making Your Church Sick”.

Christ Has Opened Paradise

 

'I passed on to you what was most important and what had been passed on to me. Christ died for our sins, just as the Scriptures said. He was buried, and He was raised from the dead on the third day, just as the Scriptures said.' 1 Corinthians 15:3-4 (NLT) 

My Lord! What a Morning! Every Easter every Christian should wake up with this exclamation and just soak up the irrefutable fact that the resurrection of Jesus Christ validates our faith, our confidence, our joy.

Google 'Resurrection' or 'Easter' and you will come across many articles trying to prove the resurrection of Jesus Christ on the third day after his death as a historical fact. But the early believers believed the resurrection needing no apologetics or proofs; they lived the fact of the resurrection, Jesus being among them and appearing before their very eyes. They were the eyewitnesses of the resurrection as St Paul wrote

'He was seen by Peter and then by the Twelve. After that He was seen by more than 500 of His followers at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have died. Then he was seen by James and later by all the apostles. Last of all, as though I have been born at the wrong time, I also saw Him.' 1 Corinthians 15:5-8 (NLT) 

The very drastic change in the behaviour of the apostles from fearful and despondent followers to confident, brave and committed disciples indicated that something extraordinarily miraculous occurred. Christ had informed them that despite the horrendous nature of his death by crucifixion, on the third day, He will be raised again from the grave. Indeed, they saw first hand, Jesus Christ's triumph over death and they were no longer afraid.

A drastic paradigm shift occurred. Because Jesus Christ lives, Christianity grew from a small motley band of believers in the backwater of the Judean hills to the global religion it is today with millions of Christians from every country and every part of the world.

St Paul put it bluntly,

'And if Christ has not been raised, then all our preaching is useless, and your faith is useless. And we apostles would all be lying about God - for we have said that God raised Christ from the dead.' 1 Corinthians 15:14-15

What does the fact of Christ's resurrection mean to us personally? We can take reference from a hymn composed by Charles Wesley in 1739, 'Christ The Lord Is Risen Today!' Originally written in 11 stanzas, now condensed to 6 stanzas as in the United Methodist Hymnal, the hymn is replete with all that Easter, the Resurrection, mean to individual Christians today, the good news of the Gospel

• All heaven and all earth now sing for joy, triumphantly at this irrefutable resurrection.
• Christ's redeeming work is complete.
• The fight against evil proved victorious,
• Paradise was opened, eternal life ushered.
• There is no more fear of death, no victory of the grave.
• We now look forward to the day of our own resurrection to everlasting life.

At that first Easter as the three ladies, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Salome entered Jesus' tomb, the angel told them,

'Don't be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus of Nazareth who was crucified. He isn't here! He is risen from the dead! Look this is where they laid His body.' Mark 16:6 (NLT)

Christ, the Lord, is risen today, Alleluia!

Sons of men and angels say,Alleluia!

Raise your joys and triumphs high,Alleluia!

Sing, ye heavens, and earth, reply,Alleluia!

Love’s redeeming work is done,Alleluia!

Fought the fight, the battle won,Alleluia!

Death in vain forbids His rise, Alleluia!

Christ hath opened paradise,Alleluia!

Lives again our glorious King, Alleluia!

Where, O death, is now thy sting? Alleluia!

Dying once He now doth save, Alleluia!

Where thy victory, O grave? Alleluia!

Soar we now where Christ hath led, Alleluia!

Following our exalted Head, Alleluia!

Made like Him, like Him we rise,Alleluia!

Ours the cross, the grave, the skies, Alleluia!

Hail, the Lord of earth and Heaven, Alleluia!

Praise to Thee by both be given, Alleluia!

Thee we greet triumphant now, Alleluia! 

Hail, the resurrection, thou, Alleluia!

King of glory and soul of bliss, Alleluia!

Everlasting Life is this, Alleluia!

Thee to know, Thy power to prove, Alleluia!

Thus to sing and thus to love, Alleluia

On that Easter morning, the prophecies of the Old Testament (Isaiah and Hosea) were fulfilled and the era of the New Testament declared.

'Death is swallowed up in victory, O death, where is your victory, O death where is your sting?' 1 Corinthians 15:54b-55

Happy Easter!

Lionel