You've Got A Friend

"Greater love has no one than this; to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends.." John 15:13-14a

Songwriters write songs of love and romance. Seldom do they write about friendships; the pure and warm relationships of sisterly or brotherly love. Christians call this Agape, a love that comes from God. 

One of my favourite songs is "You've Got a Friend" written by Carole King. It is rare to find a song expressing the special relationship between friends without tingeing it with expressions of romance and love. Carole stated that "the song was as close to pure inspiration as I've ever experienced. The song wrote itself. It was written by something outside myself, through me."

One can understand why Carole felt that way. The words, simple in themselves, convey a pure down to earth message.

When you're down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name

And you know wherever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby, to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you've got to do is call
And I'll be there, ye, ye, ye
You've got a friend

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you'll hear me knockin' at your door

For a long time I felt quite uncomfortable with Agape, the Christian concept of brotherly or sisterly love. If a certain fondness develop towards another brother or sister, I would instantly recoil from it, fearful that such relationships could lead to romantic attachments or nuances. So my relationships with the ladies tend to be superficial and at arms length. As a result the same superficiality is applied to friendships with men.

With time, however, I learnt that striking up deep and sincere friendships need not be a taboo. I started making very good friends without worrying about giving wrong impressions. Friendship can be a distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern of each friend for the welfare and well being of the other. One need not fear it or shrink from it. How else would long lasting friendships be made?

Friendship started with God Himself. At creation God extended His hands toward humanity and sought the company of those He created. This special relationship was broken by the original sin and adulterated with the Fall. Some may fear to make good friends as we fear what is good and pure can become soiled. 

Thus good friends are hard to find. If made, they will stick as close to you as family, yet make space when needed. In moments of weakness they will be there to strengthen you. When life falls apart they do not forsake you. Albert Schweitzer once said, "At times our light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame in us". 

That is why at every New Year's Eve, we sing the song Auld Lang Syne. The lyrics come from a poem written by the great Scottish poet, Robert Burns in 1788. It is set to an old folk tune which Robert Burns apparently rediscovered. The poem consists of rhetorical questions on friendships best illustrated by this version from James Watson.

Should old acquaintance be forgot
and never thought upon?
The flames of Love extinguished,
and fully past and gone?
Is thy sweet heart now grown so cold,
that loving breast of thine?
That thou canst never once reflect
On old long syne?

The song is often sung over many a tankard of ale or jug of beer. When Auld Lang Syne is sung, one must be completely drunk or dead if one cannot appreciate the value of reconnecting with old friends and thinking about old times.

Let's celebrate friendship!

Lionel

Updated 1st published 22 Dec 2019

Whistle Down The Wind

 
 'I do not call you servants any longer, because servants do not know what their master is doing. Instead, I call you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from My Father.' John 15:15

Jesus Christ was in ministry for a very short time, about three years. But Jesus left behind Christianity, a movement that lasted beyond 2,000 years to eternity. In his 10 day devotion on 'The leadership Style of Jesus,' Michael Youssef wrote, 'Jesus poured out His life, not only on the cross, but also in the relationships He cultivated during His time on earth. As a result, one need only look to the decades following His ascension that the ragtag group of fishermen, tax collectors, zealots and other unlikely apostles had changed the world.' (Ref 1)

A good legacy of one's life are long lasting friendships and good influences. There is a song 'Whistle Down The Wind' by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber. Contrary to the traditional meaning of the phrase, the lyrics of this song convey the message of allowing the 'down wind' to carry one's influence to a worthy recipient. It is a song of true friendships and faithful relationships

Whistle down the wind
Let your voices carry
Drown out all the rain
Light a patch of darkness
Treacherous and scary

Howl at the stars,
Whisper when you're sleeping
I'll be there to hold you
I'll be there to stop the chills

And all the weeping

Make it clear and strong
So the whole night long
Every signal that you send
Until the very end
I will not abandon you

My precious friend

So try and stem the tide
then you'll raise a banner
Send a flare up in the sky,
Try to burn a torch
And try to build a bonfire

Every signal that you send 

Until the very end, I'm there

So whistle down the wind
For I have always been right there

True, long-lasting friendship is the kind of friendship that Proverbs 17:17 speaks of,

'A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a time of adversity.' 

I love making friends. The friends I have in the community, in church and wherever I worked are very precious. They shape and influence my life. Not all of them are Christians but I treasure the non-Christians just the same. I hope that I have influenced them too, that maybe sharing my life and experiences helped them to shape their lives too. We are still talking, meeting and chatting over the internet. It is like whistling down the wind where there is always someone to hear.

But there is no better friend than Jesus Christ. Jesus' version of friendship is radically different, He introduces sacrificial love among friends, 

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." John 15:12-13

Jesus defines friendship as the willingness to lay down one's life for one's friend. This seems unreal in today's context. We think of friendships as getting together with our friends; sharing a good meal, having tea or going out for drinks. Sometimes today's friendships can be exploitative. Jesus' concept of friendship is not just to make acquaintances but to share life. The fourth-century theologian Ambrose eloquently captured this understanding, 

'Let us reveal our bosom to a friend and let him reveal his to us. Therefore, He said, "I have called you friends, because all that I have heard from my Father, I have made known to you." Therefore a friend hides nothing, if he is true: he pours forth his mind. In sharing everything, Jesus enables his disciples to participate in the intimacy and trust of the Father, by means of which they acquire that ‘openness’ which is the privilege of a free man and a friend.'

Many of us have experienced this self-sacrificing love and friendship of Jesus Christ. It is well expressed in a favourite hymn What A Friend We Have In Jesus, written by Joseph Scriven, an Irish poet. 

While we all sing the hymn very often, few of us know that the author Joseph Scriven was a man acquainted with griefs and sorrows. Scriven never married; two of his fiancees died just before he was about to be married. His life was plaqued with financial difficulties, poor health and depression. Yet he helped the poor and handicapped. It was said that he used to saw wood for the stoves of the handicap and elderly.  He wrote the lyrics of this song, while in Canada, to comfort his mother who was seriously ill in Ireland. 

Despite his difficulties, Scriven knew the value of a friendship with Jesus which he expressed so well in the lyrics of this hymn.

What a Friend we have in Jesus

All our sins and griefs to bear

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer

O what peace we often forfeit

O what needless pain we bear

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer

Have we trials and temptations?

Is there trouble anywhere?

We should never be discouraged

Take it to the Lord in prayer

Can we find a friend so faithful 

Who will all our sorrows bear

Jesus knows our every weakness

Take it to the Lord in prayer

Are we weak and heavy laden

Cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Saviour, still our refuge

Take it to the Lord inprayer

Do your friends despice, forsake you?

Take it to the Lord in prayer

In His arms He'll take and shield you

You will find a solace there.

Let us make good friends as Christ would want us to. Let us leave behind legacies of good relationships and good influences. Let us whistle down the wind.

Lionel

Ref 1: Michael Youssef, 'The Leadership Style of Jesus' Day 10 Leading The Way Ministries.  

Christian Hospitality - Thank You For Being A Friend

'For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.. Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you do for Me.' Matthew 25:35-36 and 40.

A Christian brother, Kenneth Lau, shared a story which left me with a lasting impression of Christian Hospitality and its positive influence on the recipient. Kenneth was a student in the USA and he related that one wintry day he decided to go on a cycling marathon. Unfortunately as it got dark, Kenneth cycled into snow storm. Soon he could no longer go further, whereupon he chanced on a brightly lighted house. He knocked on the door to ask for shelter. 

The host warmly welcomed him, sat him by the fire to dry and then invited him to join the family's thanksgiving dinner. There was Kenneth, intruding into this Christian family thanksgiving and yet, he was received as one of them and shared a happy meal. Perhaps the most memorable for Kenneth 

When the storm subsided, Kenneth cycled back to the University. He shared with us that at that encounter his Christian faith was strengthened for he had partaken of the love of God shared by this Christian family. This incident anchored his faith in Jesus Christ.    

What a fine example of Christian hospitality so wonderfully offered to a complete stranger! 

Hospitality was a hallmark of the early Christian church, the willingness to open up their homes to others, even to strangers. This was a major factor contributing to the spread of the gospel wherein itinerant preachers were offered accommodation in the homes of the early Christian families and shared meals. The early church was obedient to Christ's teaching in Matt 25, the Parable of the Sheep and the Goats. 

Hebrews 13:2 reminded, 'Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.' In 3 John 1:5 the apostle John praised his friend Gaius, "Dear friend, you are faithful in what you are doing for the brothers and sisters, even though they are strangers to you."

The sharing of a meal is a commonplace practice in Asian families especially with the Chinese. This is not the easiest thing to do. It is a gift. When we extend hospitality to friends and strangers, we have to receive them in a free and friendly space in which they will not feel strange but welcomed, the same way that Kenneth was welcomed that wintry thanksgiving evening. 

So let us be willing to share our private spaces. We can invite people into our lives yet exclude them from ourselves and keep them at a distance. Discover the other person and be a true friend because     

• True friends are lasting.
• True friends are anchored by God's love.
• True friends dare to love.
• True friends provide mutual encouragement.

That's what friends are for.