“Start
a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it” Proverbs 22:6
Japanese gardens provide a stunning visual experience as one walks through it and enjoys the setting. This photo was taken on 1 May 2007 as Pat and I walked through Seiryu-en Garden in the Nijo Castle in Kyoto Japan. We were attracted to the beautiful trees across the pond on the small island. They have been shaped so nicely. The view is very pleasing to the eyes.
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To achieve this effect, gardeners prune and sculpture trees during the early growth periods. Shoots are guided around round wires. The twist and turns of the stems and branches of the young trees are supported until the trunks are stronger. In the end these trees are shaped to their natural inclinations and bents. On 25 Sep 2013, then Minister for Education, Heng Swee Keat articulated some core beliefs which have guided Singapore's educational principles.
- First, every child can learn, whatever his starting point. We can and must help them find success in learning.
- Second, every child is different - siblings, even twins, can have very different interests and strengths! Each child will therefore succeed in different ways.
- Third, our children will need different attributes to succeed in the future, because the world will be different - just as it is dramatically different today from even a decade ago.”
The clever gardener can envision the potential beauty of each young sapling and guide its growth so that eventually each tree will be differently shaped yet become equally pleasing. In the same way, every child is different.
Similarly, the wise teacher and parent will teach and guide children understanding their natural inclinations, their ‘bents’. They can recognise, support the desirable tendencies whilst smoothing the rough patches and shaping out the bad and undesirable attributes.
The Bible teaches that every child should be given the chance to start right. How do we start the child right? By initiating them to the love of God, as emphatically stressed to us,
The Bible teaches that every child should be given the chance to start right. How do we start the child right? By initiating them to the love of God, as emphatically stressed to us,
'And you must love the Lord your God with all heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. And you must commit yourself wholeheartedly to these commands that I give you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.' Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (NLT)
This is the sacred duty of every Christian parent.
'Children are a gift from the the Lord; they are a reward from Him' Psalm 127:3
Unfortunately, in today's world, single parent families have become common place. While this is not optimal for the children who thrive best when both parents are present during their upbringing, the responsible single parent can still have great success in raising children. The key is the nurturing of bonds of love within the family; single or both parents present.
These same bonds of love can be found in the church. The church as a family also has a duty to help nurture young children where we learn to show love and learn to cooperate and make friends. Coincidentally today, my church Charis Methodist Church celebrated Loving Families Sunday, an initiative led by the Chinese Annual Conference of the Methodist Church in Singapore. At the end of the worship service the congregation recited the Family Life Pledge.
There is a song by Jack Hartmann entitled 'We are Family,' that expresses this aspiration.
We’re big
We're small
We’re young
And we're old
We’re all different people living together with love.
We’re young
And we're old
We’re all different people living together with love.
We laugh
We play
We learn everyday
We’re all different people living together with love.
Together with love.
We play
We learn everyday
We’re all different people living together with love.
Together with love.
And we are family
Living, playing together
Together – together
Together – together
We are a family
Wherever We may go
We are a family
I can feel our love grow
I can feel love grow
Wherever We may go
We are a family
I can feel our love grow
I can feel love grow
We hug
We care
We help
We care
We help
And we share
We’re all different people living together with love.
We’re all different people living together with love.
We sing
We hope
We dream
and we grow
We’re all different people living together with love.
Together with love.
We dream
and we grow
We’re all different people living together with love.
Together with love.
And we are a family
Living working
Together – together
Living working
Together – together
We are a family
Wherever we may go
We are a family
I can feel our love – grow
I can feel love grow
Wherever we may go
We are a family
I can feel our love – grow
I can feel love grow
The family, the church and society can help children to start right.
Lionel
Updated 1st published 21 May 2007
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Training a child is privilege God gives to us parents to see God's calling in the child and like Lionel said rightly to start them on the right path
ReplyDeleteI do look forward to your blogs and sharing. They always remind me of the good times we had in the bible study group, sharing, building, supporting each other.
ReplyDeleteAs to raising children, for me, I hoped that it was the leading or showing the example (hoping they would in turn absorb it) - this seemed to be my method. Edwin gave me a birthday recently with a quote: "My father didn't tell me how to live, he lived and let me watch him do it" - Clarence Budington Kelland.
Even as the study book was mentioned, it brings to mind those times - you remember the chapter that mentioned "Cat's in the cradle"? It speaks of being there for the children
Yes I remember well Richard you sharing with us this song. In fact each time we hear it on the radio I would remark to the children, "This is U Richard's song." I use this to remind me that we parents have to be there for the children when they are growing up. A day will come too soon when they leave home and we will regret any missed opportunity.
ReplyDeleteMy father was a very busy man. In those days our country was young and my father became heavily committed to politics and the trade union movement. Many may not know this but my Dad was a founding member of the PAP being its convenor in 1954. After office hours he would be found at the trade union house returning home late at night after we, his children were asleep. Lucky for us my mother was always around. When our first child, Debbie was born I resolved not to let history repeat itself. We hope that we were there for our children and we hope that they appreciate this.
Dear Lionel
ReplyDeleteThank you for the sharing your thoughts on raising children. Oftentimes we as parents are overly anxious about our children. Are they doing well in school? Are they mixing with the right company? Are we providing enough for them? Then, this thought came to my mind – no matter how much we love and are concerned about our children, God loves them and cares for them infinitely more. I am emancipated!
I have a favourite picture in the family photo album. It is of me as an infant, sleeping in my father's arms, whilst he is sitting at a desk trying to study for his post-graduate exams. (I don't know how he could concentrate!) I remember Dad going abroad for training purposes, however, I was never insecure. The bonds were already in place.
ReplyDeleteI think it is very difficult for parents to gauge when and how much to interfere in a child's development.
Sometimes, my parents would give me direct instructions (usually many years before I would ever need to follow them), but at other times, they would give an opinion allowing me to make my own decisions.
When they did the former, it was when I was younger and more confused - they were laying the groundwork for the future. When they did the latter, I was older then and they were trusting God to guide me directly.
The couple in our church that clearly demonstrated 'being there for the children' is Mr Ong Keng Tian and the his late wife Lee Yah. I watched them for so many years raising their 2 sons, Noel and Jonathan. They have my best deserving parent award if ever there is one.
ReplyDeleteThe two children are so unlike each other. Noel the elder is probably the easier child to manage. He is the quiet, creative and artsy person. His younger brother Jonathan is quite the opposite. He resembles "Denis the Menace" being the rough and tumble, sporty and loud, always getting into mischief when young. A hyperactive child. I am sure Jonathan will readily admit to this. Today both have passed thirty years old, holding on to very good careers, Christian witness and service.
Mr and Mrs Ong understood how to patiently manage their kids, allowing them their individual space and yet always 'being there.' Mr Ong probably knew that if left to himself, Jonathan can get into big mischief. The both would be chauffeuring the boys around taking them to any activity they desire and waiting for them to finish to fetch them home. I think that Mr Ong did not want to leave the child alone to mix with bad company yet allowing him freedom and watching from a safe distance. Pat and I always remarked and acknowledged that Jonathan turned out to be such a fine young gentleman because of his parents, their patience and their unobtrusive interventions. Mr and Mrs Ong must have sacrificed quite a bit of their time in order to allow their boys their differing interests. They remain the best set of parents I have seen.
Kenneth Lau shared:
ReplyDeleteThank you for this sharing! What a poignant image too, of the many twists and turns along the way as our children are shaped.
As a potter, I have also often thought about similar analogies regarding parenting - how we have to patiently mould our children, so that they are able to rise and be formed, and not collapse from too much force.
But one thought that has accompanied us in the recent few years is the realization that even while we parent, we have to remember that we too are children of God. God is shaping us just as He is shaping our child. In a way, I'm just like a 35-year older sibling for my boy, both of us being loved and nurtured by our Father and me just happening to have 35 years more of God's mercy and grace to share with Tobie.
I'm a tree helping to shape another tree, a vessel helping to shape another vessel. This thought humbles me, and reminds me that I need to be as obedient a child to God as I want Tobie to be an obedient child to God.
And also to learn from Tobie too, because it is easy as an adult to forget what it means to come to Jesus like a child.