The Distinctive Marks of Strong Christian Families

Barnstorming
Originally uploaded by dkendig

Civilizations and nations that thrive understand that underpinning their strength is the attention and priority to strong family principles and values. But, these days, children like to be independent at very early ages. This streak of independence and self-help is not wrong in itself; what will be missed is the sense of community and togetherness of a strong family when times become difficult. In Singapore and Malaysia there is a Malay word ‘gotong-royong.’ ‘Gotong Royong’ exist in the Malay kampongs (enclaves) where families will chip in and help another family in need or the whole community in a spirit of co-operation. You see this same spirit in the Amish community as noted by barn raisings. Neighbors freely give of their time and their skills to help one another. When children leave home too early without first capturing the gotong-royong or family spirit something will remain missing in their lives.

The Lees@Ban Thao Beach Phuket

Christianity emphasises the importance of keeping the family strong but at no other times are family values threatened and undervalued than in these modern times. To prevent this it may be useful for us to heed the guidance of God in establishing strong Christian principles of keeping our family together. Effective family life does not just happen; it’s the result of deliberate intention and practice. If countries are underpinned by strong families then strong families are undergirded by God's teachings. What are these principles?

Hear the Truth Continually. “Hear O Israel, the lord is Our God, the Lord is one.” Strong families lean hard on some unshakeable facts and this is a major one. The Lord is OUR God is not a statement to be uttered like some mantra but to be lived. The pronoun is in the pleural so this is not a personal matter. This must be our family statement. We acknowledge His presence, His uniqueness, His place, His right to rule over us. We seek His will. We walk in His ways. And just as the Lord is One, the family is also One.

Love the Lord fervently. “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words, which I am commanding you shall be upon your heart.” Underline the word ALL. Our love for God must be complete. It is not possible to transfer to our children a principle and then to propagate through the succeeding generations if we as parents do not personally embrace a love for God that permeates all of our being. The family’s love for God must be a deep down dedication.

Teach the Young Diligently. “And you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. And you shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. And you shall write them on the door posts of your house and on your gates.” The take-home message here is one of intensity, to teach every time and every where. To do this, teaching must be such that it is done in very natural setting making use of every opportunity that life presents to point the children to God and His love. The teaching has to be consistent and in many ways repetitious. It is not only to be communicated with verbal cues but with visual cues, body language - parents must live the teaching.

Extended Lees in Malaysia

Fear the Lord Greatly. “...God brings you into the land ...to give you, great and splendid cities which you did not build and houses full of all good things which you did not fill and hewn cisterns which you did not dig, vineyards and olive trees which you did not plant, and you shall eat and be satisfied, then watch yourself, lest you forget the Lord who brought you from the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. You shall fear only the Lord your God; and you shall worship Him...do not follow other gods...for the Lord your God in the midst of you is a jealous God.” The things we own, our wealth, our other blessings comes directly from God. God is always looking out for us. There is a saying 'do not bite the hand that feed you.' How easy when blessed to adopt a presumptuous and arrogant spirit? We are surrounded by other gods of materialism, fame, riches, power, ambition etc We need a healthy dose of the ‘fear of God,' the reverence and a wholesome respect for His sovereignty and primacy in our lives and our families.

Strong families build strong houses and Proverbs 18:10 says ‘the name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous runs into it and is safe.’

Lionel

Eking out a Living

7 Jul 2007, Pat and I were along Jonker’s Street, Melaka. We chanced upon a family of six. The parents were setting up a stall, which was no more a simple 3-legged wooden stand supporting a cylindrical container about 30 inches in diameter and 5 inches high. Seated on a stool each, they began selling hardened maltose flakes that we used to call ting-ting sweets. The name is derived from the sound of hammer and chisel the hawker makes as he breaks off bits of hardened maltose in the cylindrical receptacle. The children are about ages 7, 6, 3 with the youngest, an infant. I was impressed at how the children were able to fend for themselves. The older daughter probably 6 years old carried her baby brother in her arms so securely and comfortably as any adult would. These children could have been playing computer games or watching cartoons on TV on a Saturday night. Instead they were with their parents at a 'pasar malam' along Jonker's Street in Melaka on a Saturday night. Probably the parents wanted every chance to earn an honest living, even if it is meager and the kids must come along in tow.

Another shot
Originally uploaded by simalem

That's life but an honest day's living nonetheless. Many people in Malaysia and Singapore try to make an extra dollar working hard setting up make-shift stalls to sell their wares at night. This is called the Pasar Malam. There is a lesson to be learnt here about honest industry as a means to get out of the poverty cycle. People who are born to poor families are often trapped. Poor nutrition, poor education, poor work habits, and poor family relationships can easily condemn an individual to perpetual poverty. But those that make their way out, do so by grit and hard work, seizing every opportunity to earn a living. St Paul in his advice to young Timothy, stated : "It is the hardworking farmer who ought to have the first share of the crops.” (2 Tim 2:6). John Wesley preached “Gain all you can. Gain all you can by honest industry. Use all possible diligence in your calling. Lose no time. Every business will afford some employment sufficient for every day and every hour. That wherein you are placed, if you follow it in earnest, will leave you no leisure for silly, unprofitable diversions. You have always something better to do, something that will profit you, more or less. And "whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might."

Not only were the hawker parents at Jonker Street working hard, but by having their four children accompany them they are surely imparting to the children a lesson in honest industry. Perhaps these children might seize the opportunities that come their way. Opportunities, the parents never had or missed, e.g. a good education. Then they will be able get a better break, a better start. As I sat there watching this family in their current struggle, I knew that the example the parents were setting will help this family. Eventually, they will be set free from their current poverty not by the charity of others but by the industry of their own hands.
Lionel

Must Life be a Struggle?

CardinalsGold
Uploaded by Lionel

I have a small pond of Oranda goldfishes. Two of them in particular strike my fancy. One red fish had a slice of its long broad tail bitten off. The poor thing is no longer able to swim properly. It is a struggle for it to stay afloat and to fight for food amongst seven other goldfishes. Yet it is feisty fish and is determined to have its space within the pond. For this red one, life is a struggle.

The other is a silver Oranda with a red cap. Pat calls it the Cardinal. In contrast it swims gracefully and effortless, spreading fins and a broad and long flowing tail.

When I watched these two fishes, I long for that gracefulness of the cardinal and yet I best identify with the struggle of the red oranda.

What has life in store for us? Is it one of struggle instead of graceful peace? What does God require of us? The Bible in Micah 6:8 answered this question "He has showed you, O man, what is good and what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." God requires from us, not the usual outward show and outcomes of Christian witness but the depth of inner character. We are asked to walk humbly with our God. My vision of this is akin to gliding through the gentle waves of a quiet pond like a graceful goldfish. 

Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us, “I know the thoughts that I think toward you,’ says the Lord, ‘thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope”. It is comforting to know that God has our best interest at heart.

I used to think that we have to struggle to prevent ourselves from backsliding; like the red oranda goldfish. I imagined myself clinging onto God desperately in case I fall. Psalms 37: 23-24 states "The steps of a man are established by the Lord; and He delights in his way. When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; because the Lord is the One who holds his hands". Should life be a struggle ? If keeping up a good Christian witness becomes a struggle, then consider this - it is God who holds us.

I hope that I can treasure the times when God helped me and learn to accept from Him the grace He gives me everyday. Then I can live honestly, be just, perform small acts of kindness and walk humbly before Him.

Lionel

Generosity - the Joy of Giving

generosity
Originally uploaded by richbeechina

In a consumer society, all of us are tempted to buy more than we actually need. The sales in town entice us to buy our 13th shirt, our 8th pair of shoes and 10th colour of lipstick. Yet wealth is not fairly distributed, while we spend our wealth many of our neighbours struggle to put food on the table.

We should heed the warning given in Ecc 5:10-11 ‘Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless. As goods increase, so do those who consume them. And what benefit are they to the owner except to feast his eyes on them?’ Perhaps many of us could forego our irrational wanting of extras and learn to give generously.

What is generosity? It is the act of helping and giving willingly without expecting anything in return. A friend, Rev Tony Tan, shared this poem:

Why should we give money to save the heathen abroad when there are heathens in our own country yet to be saved.
Why should we give money to those in other parts of this country when there are needy ones in my own state.
Why should I give to those in other parts of the state when there are needy ones in my hometown.
Why should I give to the poor in the town when my own church needs the money.
Why should I give to the church when I should give to the family
Why should I give to the family what I want for myself.
Why?
Because I am a Christian and I am not a heathen. And a Christian is called to be generous.

We rationalise about the extent we should or could give. We become calculative with our tithes. Rev Sharon Koh, daughter of Victor Koh and Kah Kiat, our very close friends, spoke in church on 1 Jul 2007 on the topic 'Joy of Giving'. She spoke of the first offerings described in the Bible in Gen 4:3-7 by Cain and Abel and of their differing attitudes to offerings. The Bible recorded that Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. She explained that God’s preference of the offerings has nothing to do with meat over crop offering. Cain’s attitude in giving back to the Lord mirrors the attitudes of many Christians, we give what we think is good enough for God and not the best. Not our first fruit.

In Proverbs 3:9-10 the injunction is to ‘Honour the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.’ Many of us chose to interpret this verse as a guarantee to wealth. Give and you will get more. This is diametrically opposite to the message of grace in the Bible. Grace taught to us in the bible is not a result of a bargain or trade. Instead God promises us rich blessings but not in terms of material wealth. To give generously in is to honour God. Sharon challenged us to consider, what are our first fruits?

How can we be generous Christians?

Generosity comes by Purpose: Pastor Andrew Peh shared with us John Wesley's sermon “The Use of Money " Wesley had this to say “The love of money, we know, is the root of all evil; but not the thing itself. The fault does not lie in the money, but in them that use it. It may be used ill: and what may not? But it may likewise be used well: It is full(y) as applicable to the best, as to the worst uses.” The first lesson about being generous is to learn to use money for the good that can come from it. For most of us giving is an impulsive behaviour of throwing some coins into a can during Flag Day.  Cor 8:3,4 notes, "For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing the gospel". Instead of giving impulsively, give purposefully. Purposeful giving is planned giving, you give because you believe in something and you want to give to it.

Dr David Livingston, missionary and explorer extraordinaire said “I will place no value on anything I have or may possess except in relation to the kingdom of Christ. If anything I have will advance the interest of the kingdom it shall be used or given away. Only as by giving or using it, I may promote the glory of him who I owe all my hopes in time and eternity.” Another great doctor-missionary Albert Schweitzer said, “One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.” These men knew how to give and they gave with a purpose to serve God.

Generosity comes by Grace. 2 Cor 8:6 “ so we urge Titus that as he begun so he would also complete this grace in you as well…meaning he would continue to encourage you to give as God’s grace enables you to.” We often think that only rich people can be generous. Rev Tony Tan preached "when we meet a truly generous person – we know that it is a gift from God, a person given by God the grace of generosity; that is really the truth. That is why those who really give a lot don’t crow so much. They know deep inside that they can give only because they have experienced the love of God, the touch of God and they feel gratitude for God - so they must give. If we struggle to give, it is because we have not yet learn to trust God to teach us to give."

Rev Tan told a story of Hudson Taylor, who as a poor medical student, chanced upon a widow with many children. One child was sick and in need of medicine. Hudosn Taylor was filled with compassion; he started to pray. As he was praying he heard a voice whispering to him, “hypocrite.” He continued praying but the voice again said, ‘hypocrite.’ Hudson reached into his pocket and he felt a half a crown which was the next week’s tuition fees. Hudson gave that half crown to the widow and left, not knowing when he would eat his next meal. The next day, in the mail Hudson received a letter from a friend. The friend had written that he was moved to hand some money to Hudson. In that envelop was money seven times that half a crown.

Generosity comes by Giving. 2 Cor 8: 5 “And this they did not as we had expected but they first gave themselves to God and then to us by the will of God. They first gave themselves to God." John Wesley in the same sermon on the use of money said, “let not any man imagine that he has done anything, barely by going thus far, by "gaining and saving all he can," if he were to stop here. All this is nothing, if a man go not forward. Add the third rule to the two preceding. Having, first, gained all you can, and, secondly saved all you can, then give all you can."

If there is someone who has given generously all the time, we will find in this person a man or woman who has given himself, herself to God. Our lives are in God’s hands. If you are truly consecrated to God what do you have to fear? That you have no money?

Lionel